Fear of Falling

Learning to skate is one of my 50 Goals for me. At the beginning of the year I included this as one of my goals for this year. I already had a pair of skates at my place and started practicing. I only put the skates on one leg and used the other leg to to push. I was afraid that I would fall down if I put on the skates on both the legs therefore I felt that it would be safer to put on the skate on only one leg. Another reason for practicing on one leg was I felt that it would give me the feel of skating without the risk and later I could move on to skating on both legs smoothly. How wrong was I.

However much ever I practiced on single leg, the feel is never the same as practicing with skates on both legs. Also it did not help me overcome the fear of falling down because I never fell down practicing on single leg. It happened for two weeks and then I lost interest. That was until last week.

Last week guests came over to our house to stay for couple of weeks. They also have small children and as is usual with most children they want to try out new things. They do not have the fear of failure or falling down as we elders have. Usually that fear is instilled by grown ups in the children. Some of the fears like teaching them to be safe from fire or electricity may be good for them but lot of others are not good for their growth.

Anyway to continue with the story, they started trying out the skates and on the second day I noticed that their nine year old daughter decided to try to skate on both legs. She took baby steps and was successful in covering a small distance without falling down. I was impressed with how quickly she was able to do that and main reason was she did not have the fear of falling. What I was reluctant to try even after two weeks, she decided to try on the second day itself. That is what innocence of a child can achieve.

This gave me hope and I immediately decided to give it a try. I put on the skates on both the legs and was able to cover a distance safely. I was thrilled. I tried again and decided to call my son to show this. My son came saw me trying to skate on both the legs. He was not impressed with the speed with which I was moving and gave me a good push on my back. I fell down on my back. Though it did not hurt much physically, my ego was hurt and got angry on him.

After I calmed down I realized that falling down was not that painful as I had assumed it to be. In fact it was good that I was pushed and I fell down. That incident removed my fear of falling. Now I am practicing skating and hope to gain sufficient skills in near future.

My Lessons
1. Likelihood of falling or failing is lesser that we assume.
2. Falling down is not as painful or disgraceful as we imagine it to be. Falling removes the fear and it is good for us in the learning process.

Go ahead and pursue your dreams. Falling down is part of the process to succeed after all stepping stone to success are the failures. Falling or failing helps us to lose our fears which stop us from growing.

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How To Overcome Fear

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Seek out Negative Response to Become Braver

There are various techniques to become brave. One of them is to seek out negative results. When you expect negative response in advance you loose the fear of rejection. When you loose the fear of rejection you start approaching a challenge in a braver manner without nervousness and as a paradox your chances of success increases.

When you start this, treat this as an experiment and try to observe the outcome instead of attaching yourself to the result. Detaching yourself from the results is what will increase the courage. Try out the following three experiments.

1. Ask for Lift
   Ask for lift from 10 motorists. If they stop then it is great but do not go with them. Tell them a destination 500 km away so that you can avoid them. Your aim is not to go but ask for lift. Keep asking for the lift from at least 10 persons.


2. Give Interviews
   Make a aim and attempt to give 10 interviews. Again your aim should not be selection rather the interaction with the interviewer. This will help you to face rejection and will be very helpful when you are really looking for a job.


3. Try selling to 10 People
   Get a new T-Shirt which should be nicely packed and approach 10 people in a crowded place and ask if they would buy the T-Shirt.

You can similarly think of other things to try out and then go out and do those. You will end up more courageous and enriched with newer experiences.

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How to Overcome Fear

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How To Overcome Fear

Most of us afraid of something and when we need to face that moment we freeze. We feel trapped and feel how we can escape. Fear stops us from enjoying various things which life has to offer us and it can lead a feeling of deprivation when you observer that you are not able to enjoy things like others.

Usually reasons of fear are not totally know and could be related to some past experiences. Those could be some childhood experience which could have impression in the mind. So whenever you face a similar situation, brain brings back that stored impression and the body reacts in the defined manner for that impression. For example when you meet a friend after a long time you automatically smile or laugh and this is due to the impression in the brain for this event. It could also be due to some experiences of past life. Although some of people you find this hard to believe I personally feel that experiences from your past life plays an important role in how you behave and feel in a certain situation. I may write more on this in some later posts.

My Personal Fear
Let me admit, I have a huge fear of heights. I shiver at the prospect of riding any rides in the theme parks. I remember several instances where I have not been able to enjoy the rides due to this fear. Somehow my body tightens up and I feel that entire thing is out of control for me.

I start sweating profusely and my blood pressure and heart rate goes up. I remember that one I went to Six Flags in Wisconsin Dells in USA and was able to ride very few rides and even in those felt very unsafe. I have faced similar situations lot of times and wondered why I become so much afraid. I have tried to ride some easier rides but then also the fear remains the dominant feeling.

How to Reduce Fear?
Key factor in reducing fear is to accept it that you are afraid but still tell yourself that you will attempt the task which makes you afraid, though it may be a small step. Taking small but brave steps reduce the fear atleast to some extent. When we keep on taking them it may gradually eliminate the fear. You need to keep in mind two things here. Firstly the fear will not go away quickly, and it will take time. Second and more important is the person involved should be willing to take that baby step.

1. Take Baby Steps
   Be supportive to the person and if you are the victim then seek support. People may have ideas to help you. Most people have fear of public speech and if they need to make some speech it is really difficult and some people dread any social occasions where they may need to speak. If you suffer from this fear you can try to speak in front of close family members first and then when confidence increases then try to speak in front of extended family and friends. Tell them in advance that you will speak to them for only 5 minutes. When you do that your confidence will surely increase. Keep on taking further baby steps till the day you are able to give a talk to a large group of people.


2. Develop a Superiority Complex
   Before starting think that if others can do it I can also do it, after all they are no way superior to you. If you have this feeling it will give you courage. For example, when I was starting to learn driving a bike or car I was afraid. Then I thought that if most of the people whom I know and who are in no way superior to me can learn then why not me. That provided me the required courage to learn.


3. Think of you past fears and use them
   When you are afraid to try or fail after first few attempts here is how you can have more courage. Think of lot of things which you tried in the past and were not able to do initially and now able to do them easily. Which means that as we keep on attempting a task it surprisingly becomes easier to do. Then apply this knowledge to your situation.


4. Think of the Good Things
   Imagine the good things which you can enjoy when you are able to overcome the fear. Use that imagination to provide you the courage. For example imagine how you will feel when you come down from the stage and people congratulate you after a great speech.

Now continuing my story of fear of heights. I was afraid to ride a horse also, but in a recent trip I had to ride a horse in the mountains and I thought that if old ladies can do that why not me. That gave me confidence. I relaxed my self and decided to enjoy. It was a 12 KM ride and it made me really comfortable riding a horse. Now I look forward to riding horses, camels and elephants.

Recently I decided to take on my fear and rode a Giant wheel. Initially I was really afraid and just as I rode it I thought I had take a wrong decision. Then I noticed that my body was really tense which was making me more miserable. I opened up and relaxed my arms, stomach and the legs and started looking at the things. I saw that things look different from the top. This has increased my courage and once it was completed I was really glad with what I did. Though it is easy stuff for lot of people for me it is a baby step in the right direction. I plan to ride more rides in near future to reduce my fear. Now one of my aim is para jumping which involves jumping from a plane.

Remember everyone is afraid, it is just that they are able to control the fear and in fact use that fear to have thrill. I have talked to lot of people who like to take rides and they all say they are afraid but that is the source of the thrill. I was an introvert and never talked to girls. I was extremely self conscious but now I have given a lot of public speeches many times. Initially during a speech I am also nervous, but I have learned to control that nervousness. The secret is every great speaker is afraid initially.

If you try the above steps you will not only be able to reduce the fears but start enjoying more. May you conquer your fear.

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